you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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