around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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