Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
