I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
