A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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