hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
