why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Green mimosas i think yes
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
