There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have aggressive nipples.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
