i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
