No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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