she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
