Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
