my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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