got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
