I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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