I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
two words...techno handjob
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
