is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
