i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
