There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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