wat bout pragnant strippers??
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
