after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
