I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”