Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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