It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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