he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
