...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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