and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
