You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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