my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
