I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The uberlube is also flammable
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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