yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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