I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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