Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
