Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
