So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
