Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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