You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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