I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize