i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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