He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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