you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
