She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
