I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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