Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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