lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
