The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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