So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
