A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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