Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.