yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks