The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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