I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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