I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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