Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
