News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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