smell my finger.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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