just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My pussy is not your playground.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
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My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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