I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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