I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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