Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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