I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
