I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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