1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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