Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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