i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
