Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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